Intrusion and How to Set Boundaries

“The only people who get upset about you setting boundaries are the ones who were benefiting from you having none.” - Leila Hormozi

According to statistics, non-strangers commit more than 78% of all reported sexual assaults. This includes friends, acquaintances, classmates, colleagues, and family. While the objective of the attack is the same, as that in the stranger related assault, the methods are completely different. 

The first stage of an attack by a non-stranger is Intrusion. This is where the assailant is using the relationship to enter a space where they don’t belong. They will test the boundaries of the relationship by testing tolerance for inappropriate behavior. The methods might include suggestive sexual comments and questions, to inappropriate physical contact. 

The best way to combat these types of behavior is by establishing strong boundaries. In order to do this, you need to know what you feel comfortable with. What types of comments are you ok with? What type of physical contact are you ok with? After you know for yourself what is and is not ok, you can let the people in your life know when they cross a boundary. One way to state a boundary is by saying: When you do (state behavior), it makes me feel (state feeling), so I need you to do this (the change they need to make so they don’t cross your boundary).

An example would be - When you make sexual jokes around me, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I need you to not make those kinds of jokes around me. If they are a good person, they will change their behavior. If they have bad intentions, they will continue the behavior. At that point you can decide what actions need to be taken to ensure your safety. These actions may include ending the friendship, letting your employer know what’s going on, and making sure you are not alone with the family member if occasionally seeing them is inevitable.