“There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy” – Ralph H Blum
November and December are officially here, which means calendars are filling up, the holidays are kicking into high gear, and our focus naturally shifts toward gratitude, gift-giving, and spending time with the people who matter most. While finding the right present is great, one of the most powerful things you can offer anyone this season won’t fit in a box, validation.
In Jiu-Jitsu, we spend hours learning how to meet someone where they are. If your training partner moves left, you don’t pretend they went right; you feel the pressure, acknowledge the movement, and stay present. Off the mats, validation works the exact same way. It simply means recognizing and accepting someone’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences as real and legitimate.
When you sit down at the dinner table or catch up with friends and family over the next couple of months, try applying that same mat awareness to your conversations. When someone shares a big win, give them room to celebrate. You don’t need to top their story, just reflect their energy. "That sounds incredible, I’m so stoked for you!"
When someone is venting about a rough day, resist the urge to jump straight into coach mode. You don't have to troubleshoot, give advice, or "fix" the problem. Just be a steady training partner for their thoughts, "Man, that sounds genuinely tough. I can see why that’s wearing on you."
Most of the time, people aren't looking for a seminar on how to solve their life. They just want to know they’re heard. Just like sharing tough rounds builds unbreakable bonds on the mat, truly listening and experiencing life alongside your people builds connections that last a lifetime.
Take time over these next two months to step back, soak up the season, and give the people around you the ultimate gift, being completely present.