The Woman I Was Before Jiu-Jitsu vs the Woman I Became

There are many things throughout the lives of women that shape who we become. Genetics, customs, culture, media, religion, and the list goes on and on. I know that through my life, I believed I needed to be a certain way to be acceptable and fit in. As I started training Jiu Jitsu, my ideas about who I was and how I needed to be began to shift. I didn’t realize when I first stepped onto the mat that I wasn’t just going to learn to defend myself. I was going to learn to see myself differently. Here are some of the things I learned. 

Learning to take up space

Before Jiu Jitsu I believed I needed to be smaller. Not just physically but emotionally. Jiu Jitsu taught me that my body deserves space. My voice deserves space. I deserve space both on and off the mat. I no longer want to be small, I want to be strong and have a place to sit at any table. 

Discovering strength I didn’t know I had

Sometimes the strength we develop isn’t physical, but it’s the realization that we have an inner resilience that we didn’t know we had. Being trapped underneath someone twice my size, keeping calm and finding the way out is amazing! Submitting someone twice your size isn’t bad either. 

Learning that I am allowed to leave

Jiu Jitsu is often associated with fighting, but self defense is ultimately about getting home safely. Training has helped me recognize when something isn’t right and it has allowed me to give myself  permission to walk away. I can walk away without worrying about if someone thinks I’m overreacting or being dramatic. 

Finding my voice

There’s a difference between being aggressive and being assertive. Jiu jitsu has helped me become comfortable with saying:

“Stop”

“Don’t touch me”

“Back up”

“No”

And not apologizing afterwards. 

Changing the way I saw myself 

Most importantly, training Jiu Jitsu has changed the way I see myself. Before I started, I didn’t even know if I could do Jiu Jitsu. Over the last few years I’ve learned that although training is hard, I’m still here. I can handle hard things, on and off the mat. 

Ultimately, Jiu Jitsu didn’t change who I was. It’s not really about who I was before vs who I was after.  It is simply about who I was before I knew her vs after I discovered her.